


It's All Fake

by awoogah123



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Chicago Blackhawks, Crack, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, NHL RPF, Weddings, ice hockey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:22:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29638743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awoogah123/pseuds/awoogah123
Summary: “What are you grinning at?” Jonathan asked, brows pulled together in a frown.“I have an idea,” Patrick announced proudly.“Kaner…”“Me!” Patrick grinned, “I’llbe your fake boyfriend.”
Relationships: Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews
Comments: 10
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

“Hello?”

The room was silent when Patrick stepped inside, his loud voice reverberating off the thin walls. The team had gone out for the evening and Patrick couldn’t help but notice their captain’s absence.

“Tazer?” The door swung shut with a loud click and Patrick stepped further into the room, a huge grin spread across his face. Patrick wasn’t drunk exactly, just buzzed - it felt nice.

Jonathan was sat on the edge of the bed, laptop on his lap and eyes glued to the screen. He didn’t even acknowledge Patrick.

“Whatcha lookin’ at?” Patrick asked, shucking off his jacket and throwing it onto the bed opposite Jonathon’s. Patrick sighed when there was no response, “ _Tazer?_ ”

Jonathan glanced up, brown eyes wide - _with fear?_ \- before turning back to the laptop screen. With a sigh, Patrick crossed the room, dropping down onto the mattress beside Jonathan, he looked at Jonathan’s screen.

“Oh, cool,” Patrick said, eyes scanning the wedding invitation that filled Jonathan’s screen. “That’s next week, right?”

Jonathan’s brother had sent the wedding invitations out _ages_ ago, and from what Patrick could gauge, Jonathan had seemed pretty excited about it. _Well,_ until now…

“Right,” Jonathan mumbled, voice barely audible as he bore a hole into the screen.

“What’s the matter?” Patrick asked, brow creasing into a small frown. Jonathan looked _worlds_ away. When Jonathan ignored him, Patrick reached out and jostled Jonathan’s arm, “ _Seriously_ , Jonny, you’re creeping me out.”

“I’m kind of in a…” Jonathan paused, bottom lip clamped between his teeth. “ _Situation_.”

“What sort of situation?” Patrick frowned. Whatever _‘situation’_ Jonathan was talking about - it looked pretty serious.

“Well, David handed these invitations out a few months ago, right?” Jonathan asked, Patrick nodded. “Well, my mom was on the phone to me and she was really excited. Like, _really_ excited.”

“Understandable,” Patrick shrugged - he was pretty sure _his_ mother would have a pretty similar reaction if either he or his sisters were getting married.

“Well, _yeah_ ,” Jonathan conceded, “but then she started talking about how much of an _amazing_ couple David and Anna are--”

“Well, they _are_ pretty amazing.” Patrick clamped his mouth shut at Jonathan’s scowl.

“You wanted me to tell you, so would you let me _speak?_ ” Jonathan snapped.

“Sorry,” Patrick mumbled, offering a sheepish grin. “Carry on.”

“ _Anyway,_ my mom is going _on and on_ about how great the pair of them are and how she hopes that _I_ can have a relationship like that one day,” Jonathan huffed. Patrick winced - he could only _guess_ how much that would piss Jonathan off. “And so, I might have told a _little_ white lie…”

“What did you say?” Patrick asked slowly.

“I _might_ have told my mom that I’m seeing someone,” Jonathan blurted out.

Patrick’s grin widened until he noticed Jonathan wasn’t grinning too, in fact, he looked _nauseous._

“ _And?_ ” Patrick prompted, wiping the smile off his face.

“ _And_ ,” Jonathan exclaimed, “I’m _not_ seeing anyone.”

“So?” Patrick shrugged. “Just tell your mom you broke up or something.”

“And prove that my mother’s theory on my relationships was _right?_ ” Jonathan shook his head. “No _way._ Besides, I may have told my mom on the phone last week that we were still together…”

Patrick sighed, running a hand through his curls. A small smile played on his lips as he turned to his best friend.

“You really didn’t make this very easy for yourself, did you?” Patrick asked. “I mean, the wedding is _next week._ ”

“You think _I_ don’t know that?” Jonathan argued. He dragged a shaky hand over his jaw, “Fuck, I’ve messed up.”

“Look, don’t stress it, okay?” Patrick said, clamping a hand on Jonathan’s shoulder - he hated to see him upset. “We just gotta sort something out.”

“ _What?_ ” Jonathan demanded, turning to face Patrick. Jonathan’s dark eyes were so earnest that Patrick’s laughter died. He stared back at him.

“We gotta get you a fake partner,” Patrick shrugged.

Jonathan scoffed.

“As if it’s _that_ easy.”

“ _Tazer,_ ” Patrick sighed, shaking Jonathan’s shoulder, “do you not see yourself? I swear, I could go outside right now and find _dozens_ of chicks who would _love_ to be your fake girlfriend.”

Jonathan mulled it over in his head for a moment before shaking his head.

“Wouldn’t work.”

“Why not?” Patrick asked, eyebrows flying up - he’d thought his plan had been pretty nifty.

“I’m not just going to pretend I’m dating some _random_ person,” Jonathan argued. “I’m going to have to share a room with them for like, a week. What if they’re a crazy stalker?”

Patrick sighed, trust _Jonathan_ to find a fault in his plans.

“So what about someone you _do_ know?” Patrick suggested. “Someone you trust?”

“Like who?” Jonathan asked.

Patrick chewed on his bottom lip as he thought to himself - the majority of women he knew were his teammate’s wives or girlfriends, and for some reason, he didn’t think that would go down too well. Of course, there were always Patrick’s sisters, but the thought of _Jonathan_ ‘dating’ one of his sisters made his stomach churn.

And then it occurred to him. It was _perfect._

“What are you grinning at?” Jonathan asked, brows pulled together in a frown.

“I have an idea,” Patrick announced proudly.

“ _Kaner…_ ”

“ _Me!_ ” Patrick grinned, “ _I’ll_ be your fake boyfriend.”

Objectively Patrick _knew_ that Jonathan would _hate_ the idea, that he would be completely against it until he ran out of options and _had_ to go through with it. Still, Patrick thought it sounded like a lot of fun, and it was _way_ safer than asking some rando to tag along with Jonathan.

“No,” Jonathan said instantly. He opened his mouth and closed it _twice_ before he found words, “Just-- _no._ ”

“Think about it, Jonny,” Patrick persisted. “It’s _perfect._ ”

“ _How?_ ” Jonathan asked, cheeks red.

“Well, for starters you _know_ I’m not some crazy stalker. I’m your best friend.”

“ _Do I?_ ” Jonathan yelled, “Because right _now_ , you’re sounding fucking crazy.”

Patrick scoffed, dismissing Jonathan with a flick of his hand. In a couple of minutes Jonathan would be _begging_ for Patrick to come to the wedding with him.

“I’m not crazy,” Patrick chuckled, “I’m _clever._ You _trust_ me, your family know _and_ like me, neither of us are gonna get attached. I don’t understand what’s wrong?”

“ _You_ ,” Jonathan blurted, almost knocking the laptop to the floor. “ _All_ of this.”

Patrick sighed as he slumped back on the mattress.

“Look, I’m just sayin’, man,” Patrick shrugged, “this will save you a _lot_ of stress. And it’s not like you’d exactly be _lying,_ we _do_ have a relationship.” Jonathan’s eyebrows flew up and Patrick quickly added, “Just not like _that._ ”

Jonathan was silent for a moment and Patrick _knew_ he’d made his point, _knew_ this was going to happen.

“I don’t know,” Jonathan sighed, shoulders slumping - which was basically Jonathan’s way of agreeing. “It’s-- it’s hard.”

“But it doesn’t _have_ to be,” Patrick pointed out, sitting up beside Jonathan. “It’s _me,_ Tazer, it’ll just be like when we room on our away games.”

“ _True,_ ” Jonathan conceded. “But what about the plane? You don’t have a ticket?”

“Oh, and we _won’t_ be able to afford one?” Patrick joked, guffawing at Jonathan’s frown.

“I meant that it’s _next week,_ ” Jonathan sighed. “What if you can’t get one?”

“I’ll get one,” Patrick grinned. “Don’t you worry about it, _boyfriend._ ” The word sounded foreign on his tongue yet familiar at the same time; Patrick didn’t _hate_ it, which was pretty strange actually.

“Don’t you fucking _dare,_ ” Jonathan ordered, pointing a warning finger at Patrick.

Patrick just grinned.


	2. Chapter 2

“This is ridiculous. Fucking _ridiculous,_ ” Jonathan said for what must have been the one _hundredth_ time in the past hour. The plane ride to Vermont was only a couple of hours, but it _felt_ like _ten_ hours.

“Hmm,” Patrick muttered, noncommittal, as he flicked through the glossy pages of a sports magazine. He glanced up at Jonathan, “You wouldn’t think it’s _ridiculous_ by any chance, would ya?”

“Fuck you,” Jonathan muttered, thumping Patrick on the arm.

Patrick’s mouth split into a shiteating grin.

“I’m just messing with you,” Patrick laughed. “You’ve made your opinion clear. Like, _very_ clear. I’m pretty sure the whole plane knows.”

“Why are we doing this?” Jonathan asked, opting to ignore Patrick as he pushed through with his existential crisis. “We _can’t_ do this.”

“Sure we can,” Patrick assured him, clapping a hand on Jonathan’s broad shoulder. “It’s for _one week,_ Tazer, we’re gonna be just fine.”

“Yeah, but people are going to think we’re…” Jonathan’s gaze flicked around the plane, as if he was checking for any eavesdroppers, “ _Dating._ ”

“Well, _yeah._ ” Patrick flopped back in his chair, “Isn’t that the whole _point_ of it?”

“I don’t think I can lie to my family about this,” Jonathan said, raking his hand through his hair. “Let’s just call it off. You’re coming as my _friend._ ”

“No can do, Tazer,” Patrick said with a shake of his head. “Everything’s already been sorted out. And besides, do you _really_ want to prove your family right?”

“They _are_ right!” Jonathan exclaimed.

“Yeah, but they don’t have to know that,” Patrick shrugged. “Quit stressing, Johnny. This is happening whether you like it or not.” 

Jonathan was surprisingly quiet for the rest of the ride and Patrick almost thought that Jonathan had _accepted_ their relationship - fake or not.

He was wrong.

“I can’t do this,” Jonathan said, coming to a stop outside baggage claim.

“Sure you can,” Patrick said, conscious of the crowds of people spilling around the two of them. “Let’s just have this conversation over there, yeah? We’re holding people up--”

“We didn’t even think this through,” Jonathan interrupted. “It’s never going to work.”

“ _Jonathan,” Patrick sighed, because this was getting a little old now. “Would you _quit_ it? It’s a little late for this now - in case you _haven’t_ noticed we’re in _Burlington._ ”_

“Yeah, and my mom’s going to be here any second, and she’ll start quizzing us, and…” Jonathan’s voice died off, his gaze was fixed on something behind Patrick and his eyes widened. Patrick thought it almost looked _comical_ , although he _was_ pretty sure Jonathan was seconds away from turning and sprinting away.

And then he found out why.

“Jonny!” Andree Toews’s voice carried through the crowds of people, loud and cheerful. Patrick didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“ _Patrick,_ ” Jonathan whimpered - _actually_ whimpered - but before Patrick had the time to even _think_ of a reply, Andree had made her way over.

“Jonny!” Andree squealed, rushing forward and pulling her oldest son into a bone-crushing embrace. She hadn’t even _noticed_ Patrick. “It’s been so _long_ since I last saw you,” she gushed.

“It was only _Christmas,_ ” Jonathan mumbled, cheeks bright red as he stared at Patrick.

“ _So long,_ ” Andree repeated, reaching up and planting a kiss on her son’s cheek. “Your father’s somewhere around here, I had to leave him whilst he found a place to park. We’re both very excited to meet your girlfriend.”

Patrick had to stifle a laugh, Jonathan looked like he was _seconds_ from passing out.

“Yeah, erm,” Jonathan cleared his throat, reached up and nervously rubbed the nape of his neck, “ _about that…_ ”

“What do you mean?” Andree asked, eyebrows flying up. “You said you were bringing a date, yes?”

“Well, _yes,_ ” Jonathan conceded, eyes widening as he sent Patrick a silent plea, “but…”

“He brought me,” Patrick said. He wasn’t exactly sure _what_ to say, but it seemed to get the attention off of Jonathan.

“ _Patrick!_ ” Andree exclaimed, rushing forward and pulling Patrick into a hug. “I didn’t even see you there. I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Yeah, well,” Patrick paused, glancing back at Jonathan, “Johnny invited me.”

“And here he was telling me he was bringing a _girlfriend,_ ” Andree laughed.

“I never actually specified it was a _girl_ friend, Mom,” Jonathan said, because apparently he’d _finally_ found his voice.

“I’m sorry?” Andree asked, gaze flicking between Jonathan and Patrick.

Patrick hadn’t expected to feel as nervous as he did right now.

“He brought his _boy_ friend,” Patrick supplied, heart hammering in his chest. “ _Me._ I’m his boyfriend.”

And that was when Bryan Toews chose to appear.

“ _Jonny!_ ” Bryan’s booming voice filled the silence that had seemed to settle on the three of them. “Oh, _and_ Patrick!” He paused, as if only _just_ realising no one was answering him.

Jonathan opened his mouth as if to answer, but Andree beat him to it.

“Jonny and Patrick are dating!” Andree squealed, mouth splitting into a huge grin. And _wow,_ that was _not_ the reaction Patrick had been expecting. Nor Jonathan, if his face was anything to go by.

There was silence for a moment before Bryan turned Andree.

“You owe me twenty,” Bryan said, turning to face Andree.

“ _W-what?_ ” Jonathan spluttered, staring at his parents. Patrick had to try not to laugh.

Andree and Bryan shared a grin.

“Well, your father and I have always known the two of you are _very_ close,” Andree said knowingly. “Your father bet the two of you were already dating, but I wasn’t so sure… Now I am!”

“ _What?_ ” Jonathan repeated. “But we weren’t--”

“Even _that_ obvious,” Patrick cut in, because was Jonathan _trying_ to out their secret? He shot Jonathan a sharp look.

“ _Well,_ ” Bryan chuckled, running a hand through his hair, “you two have _always_ been _extremely_ close.”

“Yeah, _close,_ ” Jonathan argued. “That doesn’t mean we’re--”

“Out as a couple,” Patrick butted in, because Jonathan was seriously _seconds_ away from ruining all of this. “No one else really knows.”

“Our lips are sealed,” Andree grinned, miming zipping her lips.

Jonathan looked between his parents, wide-eyed, and when he turned to Patrick, Patrick couldn’t help but grin. Jonathan turned away with a shake of his head.

“C’mon,” Bryan urged excitedly, “David’s gonna be _so_ excited when we tell him!”

And with that, Andree and Bryan were leading the two of them out to the rental car. Patrick and Jonathan hung back a little, pulling their suitcases along behind them.

“ _Fucking hell,_ ” Jonathan muttered under his breath, and Patrick couldn’t say he disagreed.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this!!  
> Kudos and comments are appreciated!<3:)


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